


Gently to sleep

by creativitea



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, good night fic, sleepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 17:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11213118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativitea/pseuds/creativitea
Summary: title is summary enough, i guess?setting: The "i always end up where i need to be" series by @lavellington, set between "i will roam if you say roam" and "i can't tell one from the other (did you find me or i find you?)"ps; left is todd pov, right is dirk pov





	Gently to sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lavellington](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavellington/gifts).



> was inspired to write this after i started reading the books and there was a part about dirk humming songs in his sleep, but i just wanted to bring in elements from lavellingtons fic into this because the dynamic they have become in there just makes me so soft and happy that i couldn't help it.
> 
> i wanna thank lavellington not just for writing the series (which has become one of my fave fics overall in all honesty), or giving me the green light to write in their AU; but encouraging me to do so.  
> "We're all writing stories of other people's stories - including Landis writing stories based on Douglas Adams writing." (this is the kind of quality sentences you get from lavellington; please don't expect the same standard from me lolol. even if i'm trying my best! ~)
> 
> ps; the best part of this is probably rereading my fave fics and calling it "research", heheheh

 

Dirk's fingers are tapping on the mattress impatiently, and he keeps turning. It's making Todd way too tense to sleep; both due to annoyance and how contagious Dirk's mood is. After just side-eyeing him for a small eternity, there's not much patience left in Todd. 

Instead of noticing the eyes drilling into him, Dirk keeps blinking fast, like he's trying to make his eyelids tired. Todd fights the natural instinct to yell at him, takes a deep breath and just leans into Dirk, resting his head on the tense shoulders. Dirk finally snaps out of it, and apologizes. 

Todd shakes his head. He's got an inkling of what's making it hard to sleep, and they agreed to not apologize for nightmares or attacks(whether they're panic or paribilatus ones) . 

 

 

Even though the Mexican Funeral shirt he's pressed agains originally doesn't bring up good memories for Todd; but this one is just Dirk's shirt, that Todd gave him, at this point.  (Dirk trying not to get shot in it to protect the shirt, both warms and breaks his heart a little) 

It smells like Dirk now. Well, he assumes it does at least. When the shirt has been off, he's either been occupied.. or it's been getting washed. And Dirk is always next to him anyway, so most of the air he breathes tends to smell like Dirk anyway. But anyway; it's not a shirt symbolizing how much he's fucked up his past, but it's become a symbol of when he started getting back on the right track again. It's what his boyfriend wears to always keep him close; even if he's always nearby. In the beginning it was Dirk who kept following him around, but at this point he doesn't have to; cuz Todd's following Dirk too. 

 

After taking another deep breath of his scent, Todd; not for the first time, feels a rush of peace; feeling at home. He's been aware he's actually in love with him at this point, and even if he can admit it to himself; he's not quite ready to admit so out loud yet. Something that is quite frustrating, as he wants Dirk to know. He wants to see how he'll light up, remembering his face when Todd gave in and admitted their friendship. But his own fear is stopping him. Not even a fear of rejection (not because he's confident in himself, but because of who Dirk is), just the fear of dealing with his own emotions. Confronting them out loud.

His eyes float over to Janice in her bowl, and he smiles, remembering that they've made progress together. Reminding himself that he'll get there. He trusts that Dirk will keep being a good influence on him, hopefully long enough for Todd to get ready. Besides, he knows that even when he tries avoid saying something to Dirk, it inevitably comes out.  

Todd lets his arms wrap around Dirk, without even thinking twice about it. 

 

Dirk's body seems less tense now, but Todd still want's to check. "You feeling better?"

His face is close enough to Dirk's to feel the muscles in his cheek move into a soft smile, and he doesn't have to look up to know what it looks like. "A little." Dirk answers, brushing hair behind Todd's ear affectionately, even if a little awkwardly. (but Dirk does most things a little awkwardly, which is part of what makes him as endearing as he is.) 

Before Todd gets the time to ask Dirk not to pull his hand back, it's already resting on his head. Todd is still not fully convinced Dirk isn't psychic. His eyes slide over to the the electric rhino-guitar, like he's looking for proof without realizing, but decides to give in. Defining dirk is an impossible task anyway, he's just curious if it's stupefying how much he doesn't know about him (which he is guessing the answer to is yes.) Does Dirk even know? Does it even matter?

He's Dirk, and he's Todd's boyfriend. Nothing else really matters.

 

He looks up at Dirk again, to check if he's still awake; and he is. 

Naturally helpful/worried Todd asks "Can I help? Do you need to talk it out?". The hand resting on his head moves to lead his head to a position that lets Dirk kiss his forehead. Once again, slightly awkwardly, in the most wonderful way. 

"Todd, you already are." His forehead gets another peck, somehow more aggressive, despite the action being one of the softest things to do. "Don't you ever realize you're already doing enough?" he asks, like he's genuinely worried he doesn't. Todd doesn't want to make this about his anxieties and avoids being honest about the answer to that question, and answers something else. "I want to make sure. You sure you don't need to talk?"

Dirk sighs, like the answer to that is both yes and no. "My nightmares won't piece together into anything coherent yet, and neither will my words."

 

* * *

Trying to fall asleep expecting it to be more stressful than being awake, is a bit like the minutes before the rowdies arrive. Dirk can sense that before he knows it, he'll be lying there feeling like the ground after an earthquake. And while it makes it bareable knowing Todd will be the calm after the storm, like always. But he's not excited to bring him into it. Like, yes, it's a proximity thing of being around to be surrounded by a mess, and yes; Dirk prefers having Todd in close proximity even if it's a little selfish of him. Though, yes; Todd keeps trying to reassure him he prefers staying close enough to shield him from some of the mess, it's just that Dirk would like to shield Todd from some of it, and not always be the ticking timebomb.

It's not that he thinks Todd blames him for the mess (well, at least not all of it. certain messes, Dirk are definitely more responsible for). Like trying to apply logic to it (more Todd's area than his, honestly),  Dirk would never blame Todd for his paribilatusattacks, so he guesses that Todd won't blame him for what he can't control. Actually; no, he doesn't have to guess, he's been spoonfed that message explicitly.

But no matter how much logic he tries to apply to it, the rumble of the rowdy van will always make him anxious(even with Amanda in it), and falling asleep the nights after nightmares will be difficult. (even with Todd in the bed he's started to just refering to as theirs, without realizing)

Maybe he's supposed to be awake for something? Everything is connected after all. 

 

Before Dirk's train of thought gets to the next station, he forgets where it was headed, because his tense shoulders get weighed down to a more restful position from none other than Todd's magnificent head, with hair so wonderfully messy that his eyes finally finds somewhere to rest. Todd takes deep breaths against him, which reminds him to inhale and exhale properly alongside.

Dirk haven't been close enough to anyone before to grow to feel like he does (either the universe or his personality has driven them away, and none of them have been Todd anyway), but he's started to see the connection. He's arrived at the conclusion that he's in love. 

But he worries that if Todd knows, to what degree he cares about him, it's too much too soon. After all, he's been too much too soon to him before. 

 

But then, he spots Janice swimming around in her bowl, and just the fact that she's here, in Todd's apartment, makes him feel like he belongs here. It's one thing to fitfully force someone into buying kitchenappliances with you, but when keeping his pet here wasn't even a question (it just made sense, this is where Dirk tends to be anyway), something about all of this just felt more permanent. Like the universe for once was telling him he wasn't going anywhere. Or alternatively, that Todd was telling the universe not to take him anywhere. Both of which makes Dirk want to smile. 

Holding Todd close is making him sleepy. He functions like a teddybear. Toddybear? 

Todd would probably not like that nickname, so Dirk keeps it to himself for now. 

He squishes him a little closer instead, which Todd doesn't seem to mind. 

 

* * *

When Todd wakes up, Dirk's humming in his sleep. 

He tries to place what it is, for a moment dismisses it as some of the crap Dirk listens to, but eventually arrives at the conclusion that even those would be recognizable, considering Dirk is the type to annoyingly keep his current jam on replay until he gets it out of his system(something that takes more listens than you would expect). 

And this is actually quite nice. 

Todd wonders how regular this is, despite having spent few nights apart for... well it's been so long Todd doesn't even bother with the math, but it's been a long time. If this is a regular thing, Todd should definitely know. Maybe this is how he sleeps without the nightmares? 

For a moment, he's struck by a shock of admiration for how Dirk can still keep on surprising him like this, and then is struck by sadness from the thought that if this really is how he sleeps peacefully, and Todd hasn't heard it until now... 

He ends up with the conclusion that maybe he's just been too busy sleeping peacefully beside him to learn about it earlier, and takes as much comfort as he's able to in that. 

Because he doesn't want his selfpity to keep him from enjoying this.

 

And if he wasn't a musician, he would just treat it like a nice lullaby. But he can't shake the urge to jot it down. 

He rolls his eyes at himself for being a sap that wants to learn how to play random shit his boyfriend hums in his sleep, but... that's just who he's become at this point. Maybe it's who he's always been, but just hasn't had the oppurtunity to become. Something he feels is a tendency with Dirk. 

 

* * *

Dirk wakes to more than one nice surprise. First of all, there was no nightmare; he only remembers it dimly, but it involved Todd and Amanda looking at penguins. That's like three reasons to be happy, at least. 

Secondly, not only is Todd playing something (Todd is so good at so many things, and Dirk thinks it's somewhat unfair, because how is he supposed to _not_ be head over heels?), but it's on the electric rhino guitar he gave him (and now he's remembering Todd's face when he gave it to him, and there's another rush of the best kind of  "u-n-f-a-i-r" bolting through his bones.) and it's something new? Did he compose? (unfair, unfair, _u n f a i r_ )

 

He crawls back under the duvet to pop his head out on the other end, and dopily looks at Todd from afar. Well.. not that far, but far enough for it to accentuate the dopiness.

It brings out a smile from Todd that makes Dirk feel like he woke up just in time for the sunrise, even though it's bright outside and Todd's coffeecup is already on the table. 

"Morning." he nearly hums at Dirk when he notices the squiggling out from the covers like a snake. 

Dirk is certain he can see a laugh behind the coffeecup, and he gets warmer on the inside than Todd will get from the coffee (which Dirk suspects is cold at this point as there is no steam coming from the mug.) Dirk's responds by beaming in his general direction. 

 

"Is it new?" Dirk asks, after having attempted to listen intently to figure out what song it is. If it was an old classic punkrock thingy or whatever, Todd wouldn't be relying on notes. Same goes for casual jamming. This much Dirk has learned from observation - which he finds himself doing more and more the closer they get. Even if he according to Todd still "knows nothing about music", that's not the case when it comes to his knowledge about Todd.

 

"You don't recognize it?" Todd says with a knowing kind of grin, that Dirk can't quite place. He just shakes his head and shrugs.

He just keeps playing for a while, with the same smile, which makes Dirk too confused to ask again. 

"You hummed it in your sleep."

Dirk answers with a loud "What?!" that he doesn't actually say out loud, but Todd hears it anyway. 

The look on Todd's face makes Dirk wonder if maybe the coffee was a little warm after all. 

* * *

 

Todd can't help but laugh to himself when Dirk asks what it is he's playing. 

Just because it's so wonderfully in character of him to create ripples and be surprised when struck by the following waves. 

* * *

 

When Dirk gets up to get his tea, Todd is in the shower. He feels a rush of belonging again (like last night), from the satisfying sound of the kettle boiling; and just the sight of it on Todd's countertop. Their countertop? Dirk's not sure it's shared like the bed, it's less confusing when it comes to the ricecooker with the nice orange color. And honestly, Dirk only has a strong sense of ownership on certain things. Like his jackets, Janice, and the mexican funeral tshirt.  

 

He doesn't mean to look, but when he sits down by the sofa, he spots the musicsheet titled "Sleeping Gently", and even if he isn't psychic, he can tell what's gonna happen in the nearest future. 

Todd is gonna exit the bathroom with adorable damp hair with the curls and Dirk is gonna tackle him to the bed and shower him with kisses(Like that morning when Todd was being a talented riddle-solving sneak, though Dirk is the one feeling sneaky this time). So he tries to hurry drinking his tea, just in case. 

 

* * *

 

Todd just washed, but he's pretty sure he already smells like Dirk. 

 

* * *

* * *

Into the evening, Todd brings the guitar back. 

It seems asleep-Dirk's humming brought him into a musical mood,

but honestly, awake-Dirk is not complaining.

 

He's even singing.   He doesn't always do that, but it's such a treat when he does.  

 

  
_"before you i had nothing_  
_but a handful of sad scents_  
_and this town is dead my darling_  
_you're the one that reinvents"_

 

Todd smells like coffee, wood and home. He tends to also smell like angst sometimes, which has turned into weirdly comforting for Dirk's nose.

 

Dirk's head is resting on Todd's shoulder sleepily and affectionately, because he's somehow feeling intensely at ease there. 

 

_"I don't know how nobody told you how to unfold your love_

_I don't know how someone controlled you_

_They bought and sold you"_

 

Dirk asks what song he's playing and Todd sighs "Seriously, Dirk! You're british!!" like it has any significance to the question. 

Dirk just shrugs, too drowsy to ask further.

But he can hear Todd mumble something about beetles. 

 

_"I look at the world and I notice it's turning_  
_While my guitar gently weeps_  
_With every mistake we must surely be learning_

_Still my guitar gently weeps"_

 

Sometimes Dirk thinks about that if his mother was around, that he'd introduce Todd to her. Just to have someone to show him off to that he cares about the opinion of. He wonders if she would be proud of what he's made of himself here. Cause he definitely is; proud of his life here, that is. 

His life has been a long unsolvable messy case for so long he'd given somewhat up on connecting everything, but he feels like he's closing in on the answer. He's finally where he really needs to be. 

 

He's almost asleep on Todd when he hears the melody from this morning, now with lyrics attached.

> _"always the right time and place,_
> 
> _though it's getting late_
> 
> _you make me brave,_
> 
> _don't be afraid_
> 
> _i'm here when you wake,_
> 
> _just count all your sheep_
> 
> _putting you, Gently, to sleep"_

**Author's Note:**

> (Sry if the setup is weird atm i had to publish via my phone so i cant properly check if it looks ok. Will fix if needed once laptop isnt being a dick, lol)


End file.
